Girls should come with a carfax report
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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