He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
