I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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