I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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