why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
