Barsexuality is the new black.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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