His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
