Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
