Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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