im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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