i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
