I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
