I want to stick my p in your. b.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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