I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
