I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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