Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
