If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
3pm strippers are depressing
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
