and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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