Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
