you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
