is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize