Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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