Moan for me like Helen Keller
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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