no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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