just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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