hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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