No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
