That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
