I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
