Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
