is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
