Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
