You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Randomize
