Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
