I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
