I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
