You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
