Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
