No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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