I wish my penis had an off switch
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You made out with two different species that night
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
