I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize