I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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