Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
