Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
