You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
