I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
