Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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