this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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