I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
