After last night, I could never be a politician.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize