She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
and you fell through a lawn chair
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