I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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