i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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