Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
