theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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