She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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