Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We are all done wearing pants today
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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