dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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