Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
