I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize