It's a beautiful day for a hangover
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
