My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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