someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
is wine microwaveable?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
