Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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