whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
