i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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