Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
