just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i believe in u and ur pee
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
