some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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