WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
