you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
