Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
