I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
