I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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