I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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