This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
