do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
