DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
