After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just high enough for therapy.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize