you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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