all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
