New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
