I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
