Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
