I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
