your parents love me but you hate me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize