My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
