this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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