carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
