My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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