How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
