can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Four minutes until I can fart!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
