I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
