I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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