I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can I color on your dick again?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
