Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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