My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
time to smoke my breakfast
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
