if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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