I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
