I just threw up on my dentist
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
