Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
