Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize