She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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