Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
