i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
