she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
