It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
